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#1 My physical compromise was especially frustrating because I’ve been a very health-conscious individual, who eats a vegetarian diet and exercises regularly. In addition, I considered myself to be deeply committed in my spiritual life and in my desire to know God. At this time, however, I was only beginning to experience the comfort and joy found in a relationship with Him.
What often seemed to be in contention with that relationship were the intensifying symptoms that I was experiencing. They felt like thorns in my flesh that no human entity had the ability or power to remove, As time went on, these thorns continued to pierce me with an unforgiving voracity as I was diagnosed with a bladder condition in 1997, known as interstitial cystitis. It seemed to join with my other two conditions on a mission to crush my spirit by tormenting me daily with cruel and unrelenting symptoms.
#2 The condition of my bladder, known as interstitial cystitis, frequently robs me of any semblance of restorative sleep. The urge to void up to fifty times or more in a twenty-four hour period doesn’t end at bedtime for me. While much of the world enjoys the gift of rest each night, I do not. Rather, I find myself bumping into walls and furniture as my desperately weary body navigates its way to and from the bathroom. Most nights my sanity is repeatedly tested in this way as profound sleep deprivation tries to convince me that death would be merciful.
Related to these problems is also my tendency to be more accident prone and cognitively challenged. The latter has brought me to tears from both frustration and embarrassment over not being able to understand what I’ve just heard of read several times.
In addition, my sensitivity to chemicals, odors and loud sounds has intensified as well. A simple trip to the grocery store, mall or gas station often leaves me dizzy, with a headache and feeling as if I am going to collapse. There are no places within my body and few places within my environment where I experience ease of comfort. Even so, I know that in the midst of my discouraging physical circumstances, I am blessed by knowing that God is near. This awareness helps me to press onward through my physical distress and to choose to remain positive and hopeful. I often do this by remembering the words of Proverbs 13:12, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life” and those found in Proverbs 17:22(NIV), “A cheerful heart does good, like medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
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